Labyrinth (1986)

A 16-year-old girl is given 13 hours to solve a labyrinth and rescue her baby brother when her wish for him to be taken away is granted by the Goblin King.

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Perhaps most notable as a post-Howard the Duck movie that George Lucas was involved with and didn’t manage to anally rape, Labryinth combines the writing talents of Monty Python alumnus Terry Jones, the creative direction of Jim Henson, the character designs of fantasy artist Brian Froud, and some of the best puppeteering since the latest MTV Music Awards.

How was that for a run-on sentence?

Much like The Dark Crystal (Henson’s earlier foray into a fantastical world populated by realistic puppets), Labyrinth is one of those films that will never age thanks to the aesthetic efforts involved. Just think how this film would be done today…nevermind if most of the effects could be easily done in realtime and at half the cost…if done today, everything down to David Bowie’s little ball-juggling trick (not the one involving Mick Jagger, mind you) would be done via CGI. All hail JAR-JAR, Unholy God of CGI!

The rather simplistic story is an ode to fairy tales…Alice in Escherland, if you will. Sarah (Connelly) is the flighy Alice type, following her kidnapped baby brother down the rabbit hole to Wonderland. Except that this wonderland has a Bog of Eternal Stench that makes pooting noises (I’m guessing this was Lucas’ contribution), jive-talking Orange things that can sing and remove their heads, hands that make faces and talk, and talking dogs that saddle up other dogs. Stay away from the brown tab acid indeed…

At the center of all of this is a truly astonishing labryinth (duh) and a gravity-defying room full of staircases that would make M.C. Escher giddier than J. Edgar Hoover in a candy striper dress. Sarah must navigate this labyrinth in 13 hours, or else the Goblin King (David Bowie) will keep her baby brother captive forever, and will either turn him into a Goblin or sell him to one of Kathy Lee Gifford’s sweatshops, I can’t remember which.

Some weak points of the film are perhaps Jennifer Connelly’s performance, which was somewhat inadequate for such an important role (this is where Bowie and the supporting cast pick up the slack nicely)…Her breas, er, abilities just weren’t DEVELOPED enough at this point in her career. There is a little padding in the film in the way of pointless meanderings and dream-within-a-dream sequences, but not nearly as extreme as the padding in David Bowie’s unecessarily tight spandex. Given his Ziggy Stardust past, it looks like Bowie could regress into glam rock mode at any time, but I guess it works in making his character seem other-worldly and magical, as if he could change into an owl at any moment. Speaking of Bowie, his soundtrack is perhaps the only thing that could date Labryinth, but given his retro appeal and songcrafting abilities, this won’t turn into, say, Alan Parson’s horrid soundtrack for ‘Ladyhawk’. If you’re going to hire a rockstar to craft music for your movie, it’s probably a better idea to hire the rocker familiar with themes and stage performance than the progressive rocker who wants to be Vangelis.

None of this will matter much to you, though, as you’re swept up into the world that Henson and Brian Froud have intricately woven. This is one movie that was difficult for me to objectively review as it was a childhood favorite of mine that never wore thin. Amongst the dreck that’s shoved down kids’ throats today, however, I have to say that Labyrinth’s magic still holds up, and it has what so many modern kiddie movies lack: HEART.